Corrupt a Wish Game!

Stuff that just doesn't fit anywhere else. (As if our other threads don't run off topic already.)
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Postby SectsDryve » Mon Jan 14, 2008 9:57 am

Atomic wrote:I wish I could shoot fireballs.


GRANTED! Immediately before you shoot your first fireball, you manage to get your pants down in time. The fireball you shoot off is impressive and awesome -- however, it cauterized your butthole shut.

--

I wish I wasn't allergic to anti-perspirant anymore.
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Postby Baile » Wed Jan 16, 2008 1:12 pm

Granted! Although you are no longer allergic to it, it has an opposite affect on you and everyone you get near backs up with watery eyes.

I wish that everytime I sneeze, I experience an orgasim.
Last edited by Baile on Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Marcallo » Wed Jan 16, 2008 1:21 pm

Granted: Now everytime you sneeez you experience a mindshattering orgasm. This is great until you have to drive through some heavily wooded areas. You sneeze rapidly triggering multiple orgasms, this is followed by your car swerving into a tree. The funeral is very somber, the tombstone is revealed to be written, "Here lies Baile, She Came, Then she went".



--------------------------
I wish I didn't need to have 2 fillings done on Friday.
Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen it's true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...

...and I'll look down, and whisper "no."

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Postby Kiawah » Wed Jan 16, 2008 2:23 pm

Granted! Unfortunately on Thursday, Doctors discovered how to make a person orgasm every time they have a filling done. Sorry, you missed out :(

I wish I could play guitar.

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Postby Baile » Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:01 pm

Granted! Too bad you didn't wish you could play guitar that people enjoyed hearing. Now everytime you play, you get bananas and tomatoes thrown at you! (ummm tastey)

I wish I had a dynamic sense of humor.

(Russ you cracked me up....I CAME, I went) I LOVE IT
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Postby Lightfeather » Tue Mar 18, 2008 3:13 pm

Granted! You now have a completely dynamic sense of humor. Even the most benign off the cuff little comments will elect raucous bursts of laughter from you, startling everyone in the general vicinity. You apologize for your outbursts but can't seem to help yourself. When you drink it gets even worse and you start to laugh at things that were not intended to be funny. You find the humor in everything and in so doing, laugh at everything, sometimes to the determent to the relationships you have with your friends. Pretty soon people will start waving items such as napkins in your face to illustrate how you will laugh at just about anything and even though your face will burn with embarrassment, you will laugh.

I wish trying to train my daughter to drink from a cup didn't always end up with one or both of us in tears.
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Postby Kiawah » Thu Apr 17, 2008 12:49 pm

Granted! After seeing your tears, Chloe vows to never put her cup down ever again! In the year 2050, while working her job at the neogenics lab, there's an explosion which creates a super Chloe 1 handed cup monster that escapes and destroys downtown Tokyo.

I wish this thread would never die.

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Postby SectsDryve » Thu Apr 17, 2008 2:21 pm

Kiawah wrote:I wish this thread would never die.


Granted. Everyone keeps posting and corrupting wishes long after the internet goes extinct, teaching their children and their children's children. In order to keep posting, People that post have to run it on their antiquated computers and servers. The dominating alien race that have enslaved mankind relentlessly tease those that still post.

I wish I had a Farmer's Sports Almanac from the future. (Yes just like the movie, McFly!)
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Postby Eggnog » Thu Apr 17, 2008 3:08 pm

SectsDryve wrote:I wish I had a Farmer's Sports Almanac from the future. (Yes just like the movie, McFly!)


Granted. Too bad you bet your entire savings on a typo.

I wish I'd noticed this thread earlier...
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Postby Atomic » Tue May 13, 2008 9:38 pm

Granted. Every other post becomes yours. People eventually grow tired of your increasingly unfunny corruptions, and stop posting in Corrupt-A-Wish threads across the internet. You become the sole continuator of the game, corrupting your own wishes in almost a hundred different message boards.

I wish I was Austin Powers.
"When the fuck did we get ice cream?"

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Postby Niralica » Wed May 14, 2008 8:09 am

Granted: You are now Austin Powers. You are groovy and shagadelic. But the retro thing is so out of style now. Everyone prefers gray suits and bald heads with character scars. Your newfound brother Dr. Evil gets all the women, and you watch him enjoy his life with your now useless mojo.

I wish my credit card was paid off.
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Postby Ug » Thu Jun 12, 2008 10:34 am

Your credit card is paid off courtesy of a terrorist organization, attracting the notice of the U.S. Government. Agents kidnap you in a grocery store parking lot and put you in a cell .. somewhere. None of your friends and family know what has happened. The end.

I wish I could read the thoughts and memories of other people at will.

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Postby Niralica » Mon Jun 30, 2008 9:35 am

Wish granted, you can read the thoughts and emotions of everyone around you. But you are apalled by what you find. Almost everyone hates you, and people that repulse you have naughty thoughts about you. Your friends that don't hate you discover you can read their minds and avoid you so you don't discover their secrets, you are now friendless. As you go searching for new friends you read their minds and find faults in everyone. You move to the woods to live by yourself and make company with the aminals cause their only thoughts are, I'm hungry, I'm tired, I need to pee, or I need to mate.

I wish I knew how to fix my own cars so I wouldn't have to pay $1200 when my A/C brakes.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish Game!

Postby Lightfeather » Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:05 am

Granted! You are now a mechanical wiz and get right to work on your cars. You get them into perfect working order but are now obsessed with maximizing performance. You end up spending all of your savings on upgrades to tweak out your rides and it becomes the most expensive hobby you ever had. You are now broke but your cars are awesome.

I wish little kids didn't pick up germs from their friends and get the whole family sick. =(
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Re: Corrupt a Wish Game!

Postby blingwolf » Wed Jan 19, 2011 12:39 am

Granted! Little kids no longer bring home germs from their friends but adults do. Soon the entire population will be wiped out because no one ever got over the common childhood illnesses such as chickenpox growing up and they are much more serious once you're an adult.

I wish I could turn back time.

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Re: Corrupt a Wish Game!

Postby PopnFresh » Wed Jan 19, 2011 3:52 pm

Granted. With all of your clocks now two hours and 18 minutes slow, you're constantly arriving late to your commitments, destroying both your personal and professional life as everybody comes to the realization they can never rely on you. The resulting literal and emotional poverty you enter causes you to stage a suicidal cry for help, asking those that still answer your calls to meet you at the local park for help, where you plan on slitting your wrists a minute before their arrival to play to their sympathies. Alas, you slit your wrists one hour and 58 minutes after everybody's impatience got the better of them, and instead of being rushed to the hospital just in time by a group of people that now feel obligated to like you, your corpse is taken by a homeless man who will use it as a rape dumpster until the maggots show up.

I wish I had artistic talent.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish Game!

Postby Lightfeather » Wed Jan 19, 2011 4:24 pm

Granted. You are now a storytelling word-smith; able to corrupt wishes in a horrific and entertaining manner. Unfortunately you only post on a private and rarely visited forum so your genius is never discovered by anyone who could bring you fame and fortune, thus you wallow in obscurity for the rest of your days.

I wish I could invent a source of power that is environmentally friendly, simple to produce and maintain, comes in a small and compact form but can power a city block and will make me filthy stinking rich.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish Game!

Postby blingwolf » Mon Jan 24, 2011 4:58 am

Granted! You have created the most ideal source of energy known in the history of mankind. As it is easy to maintain, virtually costless and can power entire cities while only taking up 1/10 of the current power grids, your new source of power practically runs itself! In fact, it DOES run itself, and while you are filthy rich, this efficient and inexpensive power source has cost millions their jobs and livelihood. Suddenly the streets are filled not with smog and sludge but with the newly homeless by the hundreds of thousands and they are hungry. Very hungry. Food grows scarce as the employed half of the nations store food from the frenzied mob of jobless and vengeful. Soon, without any other source of food the jobless turn on each other and war and casualties run rampant. Death and disease spread as quickly as the famine and there is no where to bury all of the bodies. They are burned by the thousands and the greenhouse gasses that are emitted undo everything that your efficient source of power fixed and while the world economy is collapsing the last ozone layer shielding us from the Sun and atmosphere dissipates and the world, literally, is destroyed.

I wish I could star on Broadway!
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Re: Corrupt a Wish Game!

Postby PopnFresh » Thu Jan 27, 2011 5:32 pm

Granted. The inevitable, publicly broadcast, personal breakdown that follows would make a Lindsay Lohan/Britney Spears hybrid look like Hannah Montana. You become a tabloid staple for over a decade, as you keep finding new ways to hit rock bottom that draw the morbid fascination of millions. As this coverage is constantly bombarding a generation of children over such a long period of time, once hardcore drugs like crack, heroin, pcp, etc. become as common as modern day marijuana, as by comparison nothing can come close to the widely publicized narcotic cocktails that you indulge in multiple times each day. Naturally, domestic society crumbles under the weight of its newfound addictions, leading to the eventual destruction of humanity as we know it.

I wish I could make a wish in this thread that would go uncorrupted.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish Game!

Postby blingwolf » Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:28 am

Granted! The thread dies.

I wish I could end world hunger without destroying the economy.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish Game!

Postby Lightfeather » Wed Aug 22, 2012 4:54 pm

Granted! Nobody in the world is hungry for anything any longer. Not food. Not power. Not knowledge. They sit on their porches and watch the sun come up, then go down. Day in and day out. Breathe in, breathe out, sun up, sun down. They slowly waste away and everyone in the world shuffles from this mortal coil into infinity. Each living body withered away like a tomato on the vine of a drought stricken landscape. The economy, once driven by greed and hunger for many things, is no longer necessary.

I wish for health insurance.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish Game!

Postby SectsDryve » Wed Sep 05, 2012 4:51 pm

Lightfeather wrote:I wish for health insurance.

Granted! You are now fully covered for any and every accidental and elective medical procedure. So much that any symptom you think you have, you go directly to a specialist and it is covered. This results in a weakened immune system, but who cares. You can see a doctor for anything and everything... Everything including cosmetic surgery! What is a nip here and a tuck there? It's nothing special! Until even your husband and child do not recognize you anymore. That doesn't matter, the depression from this new isolation is covered too, sweet sweet anti-depression meds and pain killers...

I wish my favorite Burrito Stand was still around.
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