Corrupt a Wish Game!

Stuff that just doesn't fit anywhere else. (As if our other threads don't run off topic already.)
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Marcallo
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Postby Marcallo » Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:04 pm

Granted: Your spelling and grammar become the stuff of legend. Unfortunately you become a grammar nazi, and we all know how much people hate those.


-------------

I wish I had some great porn to look at.
Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen it's true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...

...and I'll look down, and whisper "no."

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Postby Lightfeather » Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:23 pm

Granted! A mountain of top notch porn starts filtering through the internet and onto your hard drive. Days pass and you are in a state of exhausted bliss. One evening you hear a knock at the door and a faint voice that sounds like someone saying, "It's the police! Open up! We have a warrant to search the premises!"

You get up and walk over to the front door but just as you are about to reach for the knob they kick the door in sending wooden splinters all over the place. Men begin filtering into your home in a steady stream and one stops to shove some paperwork in your face proving their right to be there.

They toss the place looking for god knows what until one of them calls the head cop over to your computer. Apparently from the tone of their voices they have found what they are looking for.

Turns out the tormented collection of porn you downloaded was planted by the police and peppered with child pornography. Those girls you thought were "barely legal" were in fact not legal at all.

Oh crap.

------

I wish someone would fix me a warm sandwich on rye bread. Maybe a Ruben! Oh man sauerkraut. Yum!
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Postby SectsDryve » Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:56 pm

Lightfeather wrote:I wish someone would fix me a warm sandwich on rye bread. Maybe a Ruben! Oh man sauerkraut. Yum!


Granted. a waiter appears and delivers you this sandwich, and it is delicious. Nothing seems to be wrong with it.

When you are finished eating, the waiter says the chef that made that sandwich wants to see you. Then... a pee smelling bum smiles his decayed grin and asks you how you liked his sandwich, that he made wish these hands. You notice he has very grimy sore covered hands.

--

I wish I could visit Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory.
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Postby Kiawah » Wed Dec 05, 2007 8:55 am

Granted! You win a tour of the facility by finding the Golden Ticket and are taken on a tour of the company. While on the tour, you win over the owner, Willy, by your compassion and caring for others. He makes you his heir and you inherit the company!

You sit down at your desk for your first day at your new job, when you read a headline that Americans are fed up with obesity and the health craze is in full swing. Underneath this caption there is article about how chocolate has been linked to skin cancer, and Americans are demanding that Chocolate producing companies pay for the medical bills of everyone with skin cancer, because I'm sure they did eat chocolate at some point in their lives.

With this overwhelming burden, you are forced to lay off a small bit of umpa lumpa's, only to find that one of them has had a tramatic past and comes back and sprays the plant with a M-16, killing you and many other umpa lumpas.




I wish I could sew Hilary Clinton's mouth shut.

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Postby Waits » Wed Dec 05, 2007 10:10 am

Kiawah wrote:I wish I could sew Hilary Clinton's mouth shut.




Granted...but then she can't run for office and you are stuck with four more years of a conservative, republican stranglehold on your life.

I wish there was a television show that was actually good and could engage me for more than 5 minutes.

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Postby SectsDryve » Wed Dec 05, 2007 12:51 pm

Waits wrote:I wish there was a television show that was actually good and could engage me for more than 5 minutes.


Granted. There is an amazing original show that is stimulating and intelligent, but the commercials are frequent and long and really annoying.

--

I wish I could meet Sean Connery in real life.
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Postby Marcallo » Wed Dec 05, 2007 12:57 pm

Granted, unfortunately you have met an older more cranky version. It becomes readily apparent that he is in fact the masogonistic fuck everyone says he is and is actually rather unpleasant to be around. You are sorely dissappointed and vow never to meet any stars you love again for fear of it ruining their movies for you.


---------------

I wish they had a pill that cured headaches immediately, not this bullshit advil or tylenol I'm about to take.
Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen it's true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...

...and I'll look down, and whisper "no."

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Postby Kiawah » Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:42 pm

Granted! However scientist are unable to determine why this new wonder drug for immediate headache relief also gives the person syphilis.




I wish it were 5pm so I could go home.

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Postby Munki » Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:59 pm

Granted! Unfortunately your computer blew up before you got home, so NO RAIDING FOR YOU!

I wish I didn't have to work 12 hour days this week.
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Postby Lightfeather » Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:06 pm

Granted! You get to start driving home at 5 pm every day for the entire week. On the second day there is a 58 car pile up at 5:30 pm on the freeway that you managed to somehow end up in. You are rushed to the hospital and miss the rest of the work week. Your paycheck at the end of the week is pathetically small and won't even scratch the surface of your new hospital bill. If only you had left a few hours later...

I wish the dishes that are piled up in my sink were already washed.
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Postby Kiawah » Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:31 pm

Granted! You are able to find a helper monkey in the want-ads. The helper monkey does all the laundry, dishes, and other house work. While you go and watch TV, the monkey notices your birds. Thinking they're hot, he decides to mate with one to create a new race of flying super monkeys that begin to take over the world. The human race couldI've been saved had you just done your own dishes, but is now enslaved by these super flying monkeys.



I wish "It's Always Sunny in Phily" came on 7 nights a week.

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Postby Munki » Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:34 pm

Granted! The show's quality starts to decline, and soon enough it's about as bad as Family Guy. Now you probably would want to wish something else was on TV, but you lost your lips trying to kiss a meat grinder and can no longer talk, thus limiting your wishing ability.

I wish boomstick59 came back so we could get some new material to laugh at.
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Postby Lightfeather » Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:59 pm

Granted! boomstick59 is now an active member of the House of Grog. He effectively alienates the whole forum over the course of three months and because he won't leave, long time members start leaving instead just to get away from him. This forces me to ban him from the forum for offending nearly everyone. Unfortunately for us, he's been reading "hacking for dummies" and totally hoses the forum in retaliation.

I wish I had all new windows in my apartment. These old ones let the heat leak out.
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Postby Phat.Stack » Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:05 pm

Granted! You now have ultra clear double pane sound proof windows! However, they also have the unfortunate side effect of doubling as magnifying glasses and the next morning your house erupts into flames as magnified sun beams set fire to the walls and floors.

I wish I had a teleportation device so I could transport all of my personal belongings with me when I move to Australia.

/edit lawlz ninja'd teh dummie hed
Last edited by Phat.Stack on Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Postby Munki » Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:05 pm

Granted! We get mysterious windows from some unknown benefactor. Unfortunately these are highly radiated, and chloe mutates in to an awesome super hero (complete with super outfit) known as Meltdown. While exploring her powers, she melts the house... but the windows are still OK!

I wish my 360 didn't die right when I got Rock Band.
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Postby Ausrine » Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:13 pm

Granted! You get rock band and become ridiculously addicted to Rock Band and never do anything else. As a result you lost your job, wife, and your kid finds a new daddy.

-----

I wish I would get a party right now (FFXI).

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Postby Lightfeather » Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:17 pm

Corrupting Phat: Granted! All of your belongings are instantaneously transported to Australia but the transporter was glitchy so everything arrives a little wonky and eventually needs to be replaced.

Corrupting Ausrine: Granted! You get into a party that you waited all night to be in. The healer is retarded and so is your puller. You get massive agro and no heals resulting in wipe after wipe. Three hours later you have a serious case of XP debt and no further desire to play.

I wish I was an X-man with a super power.
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Postby Ausrine » Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:21 pm

Granted! You are now a man and as a result do nothing but watch football and drink beer the rest of your life.

----

A wish I could the the CDs that were stolen from me back.

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Postby skuppy » Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:28 pm

Granted! The CDs that were the have been theed back!

----

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat.
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Postby dcazman » Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:28 pm

Ausrine wrote:A wish I could the the CDs that were stolen from me back.


Granted but now all your players are stollen.

============
/Ninjad - I wish I knew how to corrupt Skuppys wish
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Postby SectsDryve » Wed Dec 05, 2007 7:43 pm



Granted! The rabbit poops a lot and it pooped in the hat so you can't even wear it. Also the bat had fleas so now the pooping rabbit has fleas and you now have fleas. ...and a lot of rabbit poop.

--

I wish I had the cheap effective means to extract Hydrogen safely, so Cars that run on Hydrogen would be more viable.
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Postby Pax » Thu Dec 06, 2007 1:17 am

Granted! -- But your technology is swiped to make newer and better hydrogen bombs! Later it is found that the gradual decay of these bombs makes them highly unstable, resulting in premature explosions within the silos. Hundreds of thousands die.

----------

I wish I didn't have insomnia.
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Ausrine
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Postby Ausrine » Thu Dec 06, 2007 1:28 am

Granted! However, in one of your early nights a freak accident involving a hillbilly and a shotgun occurs and you are accidentally shot while sleeping.

----

I wish I could find a nice job working with machines in this town.

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Postby Sord » Thu Dec 06, 2007 2:34 am

Granted! But the old man who is training you to be his replacement gets angry and jealous that you are replacing him so he trips you up and you lose one of your arms to the gears of the machine and you lose the other warm while trying to save the first.

--

I wish I didn't have to work the graveyard shift.
Bye space sword!

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Postby Kiawah » Thu Dec 06, 2007 8:58 am

Granted! However little did you know that Marisa Tomei has secretly been attracted to men who work the graveyard shift, but seeing as how you don't anymore, you lose your opportunity to be with her.


I wish that employers would be forced to give their employees a nap time by state law.


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