Don't any of you bitches read?

Stuff that just doesn't fit anywhere else. (As if our other threads don't run off topic already.)
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Don't any of you bitches read?

Postby Uri » Mon May 30, 2005 7:19 pm

How come we have stickied posts for reviews of everything from Movies to Games to Buttplugs, but none for books?

As a twisted individual who voraciously reads apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic novels with a throbbing erection, I'd like to see if there's any I missed.

The Stand - Stephen King

I think this book is the shizzle. It's long, and hard, and thick. That's enough for me. Aside from that, I LOVE the characters, and despite my enthusiastic agnosticsm, I enjoy the not-so-subtle religious imagery and struggle between good and evil. Stephen King back when he was good.

On the Beach - Nevil Shute

One of the earliest apocalyptic novels, and probably the first to deal with the nuclear holocaust. It chronicles the last days of Australian residents as thier time slowly winds down, when they too get the glowing green radiocative herpes that kills them. Very touching.

The Last Ship - William Brinkley

Deals with the crew of a misslie carrier after a global nuclear wipe. They find an island, meet some russians, and figure out how to dole out the eager women out to the much more numerous men in order to rebuild society.

Earth Abides - George R. Stewart

Humanity wiped out by a plague, the few remaining survivors come together, and build a quaint, sweet, community.

It's been a while since I read these books, and I read quite a few more books with this theme (every one I can find, pretty much), hence the short reviews. Read em, though, they're good, these are my favorites out of this deliciously arousing genre.
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Postby Pax » Mon May 30, 2005 9:11 pm

Oooh, some of my favorites (in no particular order):

1984 - George Orwell

A classic look into the vices of governmental control. The origin of the phrase "Big Brother is watching" it is a chilling view of what America is slowly moving toward as individual freedoms are stripped away in the name of security.

Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

Another excellent book looking into the field of genetics and the controversial, but ever-present topic of eugenics. It is all taken to a new level in this book, where society is stratified based on genetic inheritance, and social roles are predetermined at birth.

Slaughterhouse-five - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

A pseudo-autobiography of the firebombing of Dresden, Germany during WWII from the perspective of a POW, it combines fact and fiction along with a very amazing writing style. (Vonnegut is my favorite author of all time, and I suggest all of his books).

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

With the release of the movie, I have a feeling this book is getting a lot more attention. It is witty and engaging, and an excellent read. A new perspective on humanity and its place in the universe.

The Seven Daughters of Eve - Bryan Sykes

I'm still working on this one, school has put it on the shelf for a little while. It traces mitochondrial DNA mutations in all of humanity to find that the entire population of the modern world traces back to seven original mothers of the earth, called the seven daughters of Eve. It describes the lives these women must have had, and the genetic differences that set us apart, and yet make us all so closely the same.
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Postby Daltos » Mon May 30, 2005 10:15 pm

The Dark, The Ice Age, The Shattered Alliance - Jeff Grubb
3 part book series of magic the gathering. I have read all the books in the series, and these three are by far the best written and can even contend with main stream novels.

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Postby PopnFresh » Tue May 31, 2005 2:36 am

All My Sins Remembered by Joe Haldeman

A book about a sort of space special agent, and different stories from his life. We get three or four stories (it has been a while, I don't remember for sure) of him posing as different people on different planets for different reasons. In general, the story is pretty solid, with some excellent character development. Makes you want to cut yourself at times, though.

The Man in the Highcastle by Phillip K. Dick

Not Dick's best work, but also not as known as something like "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" An odd story about a "what if?" society where Japan owns California. It's best going into it not knowing much else.

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Sort of a children's book, but very well written and something to be appreciated by adults as well. Wonderfuly imaginative writing.
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Postby Screwtape » Tue May 31, 2005 7:12 am

Little Prince = awesome.
The Stand = awesome.
1984 and Brave New World = awesome reads (also Pax, I see a trend in your preferred reading! :P) you ninja'd my picks!

Animal Farm by Orwell
It was a high school requirement but hot damn did I love that book. I shudder to think any of you don't know about this one!

Morte D'Arthur by Sir Thomas Mallory
A classic in Arthurian legend. Which is my favorite theme. Great read. Great Story.

Once and Future King by T.H. White
The entire story of Arthur, about 600 pages of hot Arthurian Legend. From the birth of Arthur to his death. Sword in the Stone is in here and its no Disney movie.

The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
A great read. Lewis was a devout conservative God-fearing man. But, he was also very critical of the institution of the church. This book follows the story of Screwtape and Wormwood, uncle and nephew respectively, speaking of how they will acquire a soldier's soul. The format of the book is in letters, sent to each other.

The Great Gatsby
This was also a high school read, but I enjoyed the book immensely. Its a short read and pretty damn melodramatic. But good nonetheless.

Wuthering Heights
Don't hate, its the best soap opera ever.

Catcher in the Rye
Because I plan to kill a major political figure.
There's another book. A Vietnam book, but I forgot what it was called, I'll have to dig through my boxes of books to find it.
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Postby Pax » Tue May 31, 2005 7:17 am

Catch-22 - Joseph Heller

A very well-written book, but it will take some attention in order to follow. About a man stuck in the army and wanting out desperately, slowly going mad.

A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess

A disturbing, but very well-written book about government control and insanity. Been awhile since I read it, but it was very good (1billion times better than the movie).

The Sword of Shannara - Terry Brooks

Read this when I was a little kid, but it was one of my favorites. It's a fantasy book, reminiscent of Lord of the Rings. It is basically about a massive war taking place and the quest to save it, yeah, LOTR heh.

Genome: The Autobiography of a Species in 23 Chapters - Matt Ridley

If you're going into genetics or if you've ever wondered what it's about, this book is definately at the top of the "must read" list. He explains the basic concepts of genetics looking at one aspect of humanity at a time, based on a particular gene for each chromosome.

P.S. Screwtape, was this the book you're thinking of?

Johnny Got His Gun - Dalton Trumbo

A really good read about a man debilitated by the Vietnam War. It looks into his silent war to communicate with the outer world and the horrors he has just experienced. A very well-written, albeit saddening book.
Last edited by Pax on Tue May 31, 2005 8:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Daltos » Tue May 31, 2005 7:53 am

Gotta put a little side note. All of those books you read in highschool (Catcher in the Rye, Huckleberry Finn, Ordinary People) suck hard and in my opinion, are used mainly to test memorization. To put them in some of the best books of all time is to follow those idiotic critics back when they first came out who tagged every long novel as a masterpiece. The exception, of course, is the Great Santini, which owns hard.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
Its technically a childrens book but is well written with a great story.

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Postby Baile » Tue May 31, 2005 8:29 am

I've read several of these books and loved them all. Also see plenty of what I want to read.

No one mentioned the Drizzt (a dark elf) series, can't remember one name now and all my books are at home or given away on this series but I so enjoyed it as well as the L.O.T.R. triology and even the Simirilian. (sp)(the pre-story before the triology)
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Postby Screwtape » Tue May 31, 2005 8:30 am

Daltos wrote:To put them in some of the best books of all time is to follow those idiotic critics back when they first came out who tagged every long novel as a masterpiece. The exception, of course, is the Great Santini, which owns hard.


Yeah, that Shakespeare was a fuckin' hack. :rofl:
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Postby Niralica » Tue May 31, 2005 8:58 am

My favorite used to be The Belgariad/Mallorian series by David Eddings...

Until I read The Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. I love this author, you get about 100 pages from the end of the book and you are just barely seeing the plot reveal. It's interesting from start to finish. And each book as its own complete story and ending for the most part.

Also I really liked the Dragonlance books that were written by Margaret Weiss and/or Tracy Hickman. (I didn't really like any of the ones not written by them.) Basically the Chronicles, Legends, and uh crap can't think of the name of the last series, It had dragons of a vanishing moon in it, and I think dragons of a lost sun? something with star. It was really good though, and waiting a year for the 3rd book after the cliff hanger in the second was killer.

Harry Potter yea, yeah, kids book or something, but they are very well written. Rowling also doesn't have any dull points. The books are SOOOOO much better than the movie. And I don't see how they could possible do a 4th the book was 3x longer than the 3rd book and they cut out major character developments in that one for the movie to make it shorter. 6th book is almost out. :)

A Wrinkle in Time I read this series in the 6th grade and I loved it, so it may not be very adulty now, but I liked it. :) No idea who the author is.

I'd mention more, but I gotta go to work! hahaha! Yay, making money. :P
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Postby Uri » Tue May 31, 2005 1:41 pm

Daltos - Some books that I was "forced" to read (never really found it tedious because I was always such a voracious reader) stuck with me, and I still really, really love them. Welcome to the Monkey House, Catcher in the Rye, Where the Red Fern Grows, Grapes of Wrath...all fantastic books when I look back on them now.

One of the series of books I keep re-reading is the George R.R. Martin
Song of Fire and Ice series. I seriously think these books can stand up as some of the best fantasy writing EVER. There's such a glut of utter shit fantasy out there that gets published, and worse yet, makes money, that isn't worth wiping your ass with, it's nice to see a serious, immensely talented writer get some recognition and make some cash. The 4th book comes out very soon, and as I've done with the previous books, I reread the entire series before opening the next, newly purchased book. (The first 3 books total to close to 4000 pages, so it's not a light undertaking.) They're THAT good. If you haven't read these books, PLEASE PLEASE at least go get the first one from the library, and give it a shot. (It's called "A Game of Thrones". If you like fantasy, and haven't read these books, you're really missing out. Hell, you don't even really need to like fantasy. Again, they're THAT good.

Some of my other favorite authors include Patrick O'Brian (Author of a huge series of "Age of Sail" books, one of which was made into "Master and Commander: Far Side of the World..tough to read, he uses period language and terminology, but jesus, is he good) John D. MacDonald (Amazing mystery writer who's main protagonist, Travis McGee, is the fucking coolest character EVER, bar none, imho) Carl Hiaasen (another mystery writer who's a big flyfisherman and environmental advocate in the wasteland of Florida, and counts MacDonald as his main influence),
Peter Hathaway Capstick (A fascinating dead guy who went from New Jersey stockbrocker to "great white hunter" and game warden in Africa. Not the most politically correct stuff, shooting elephants and lions, but damn, does it make for some great writing when combined with a masterful storyteller such as himself.)

Right now I'm reading another fantasy series, "The Book of the New Sun" by Gene Wolfe. Really, really good stuff so far.
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Postby Uri » Tue May 31, 2005 1:43 pm

Screwtape wrote:There's another book. A Vietnam book, but I forgot what it was called, I'll have to dig through my boxes of books to find it.


"The Things They Carried"?
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Postby Phat.Stack » Tue May 31, 2005 1:51 pm

Uri wrote:One of the series of books I keep re-reading is the George R.R. Martin Song of Fire and Ice series.


I agree with Uri on this series, it is excellent.

If you like intrigue, political maneuvering and awesome character development (combined with savage bloody combat) then this series is for you. As previously stated, this is not a light read.

Glad to hear the 4th book is coming out. Everytime I go to a book store, I would walk over to the fantasy section just to see if the 4th book had come out.

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Postby Screwtape » Tue May 31, 2005 2:17 pm

Wow Uri. I DIDNT KNOW SWISSINIANS WERE PSYCHIC! Yeah that's the one! The Things They Carried. How in the hell did you figure it out I have no idea, but that book was an amazing read for me. In fact just thinking about it, I may just reread it again because I enjoyed that one immensely.
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Postby Googy » Tue May 31, 2005 2:53 pm

Even I read the Song of Ice and Fire series and it even got translated to Hebrew which must mean something :wink:
Seriously, best fantasy books I've read, even though I don't have to know what's each person's doublet's color is :roll: .
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Postby Atomic » Tue May 31, 2005 3:16 pm

Song of Ice and Fire = Awesomeness in book form. I can't wait for the fourth book to come out. The first was by far the best... they do seem to get slightly tedious toward the ends of the second and third books...

I havn't actually read this whole thread, I'm too lazy, I just skimmed the book titles. But I didn't see Neuromancer by Willliam Gibson, which is one of my favorite sci-fis, nor Ender's Game, my other favorite sci-fi. I saw a few Arturian books, so in that vein, I would reccomend the Warlord series by Bernard Cornwell, starting with The Winter King. It's not your classic knights-in-shining-armor, search for the holy grail, uber-christian Arthurian legend, and the guy emphasizes "THIS IS FICTION", but it's a brilliant read. I'm on the second book now, Enemy of God. My brother has the third somewhere; hopefully he'll find it so I can read it. Heh.

What else is good, let's see... Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson is a great one, if you can decypher it (pun intended, lol). Though, I started reading the preview for another Neal Stephenson book, Quicksilver, and didn't like it too much. I don't know.

Blood of Mystery by Mark Anthony was a pretty good one, though it pissed me off because it's book four of the series The Last Rune, and I havn't read any of the other ones. Then there's Wizardborn, which suffers the same "problem" in my mind (it's book three of The Runelords series), but was a good book nonetheless.

Then there was this other book I read, and it's pissing me off because I can't remember it's name, or the author. I think it was called The Apprentice, Book One of the Black Magician series. That book was marvelous. I need to get my hands on the rest of the trilogy.
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Postby Daltos » Tue May 31, 2005 4:14 pm

Shakespeare was good, i'll give him that. His plots were fantastic and all of his books had double meanings. Was hamlet's father a ghost looking for revenge, a figment of his mind from grief, or the devil playing tricks on him? Who knows? I read Huckleberry Finn in middle school, and had to re-read it this year. I hated it then and I still hate it now. I'll probably read it again and i'll probably hate it again.

Anyhow, back to reviews.
The Da Vinci Code = Dan Brown
Surprised no one put this down yet. Yeah its mainstream and got a little too much hype, but the history lessons are pretty interesting. Symbology is always fun due to it not always being true.

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Postby Uri » Tue May 31, 2005 4:25 pm

Daltos wrote:Shakespeare was good, i'll give him that. His plots were fantastic and all of his books had double meanings. Was hamlet's father a ghost looking for revenge, a figment of his mind from grief, or the devil playing tricks on him? Who knows? I read Huckleberry Finn in middle school, and had to re-read it this year. I hated it then and I still hate it now. I'll probably read it again and i'll probably hate it again.


My tastes in pretty much EVERYTHING have changed drastically in the past 10 years or so. Give a second shot to as many of the things you hated as a teen when you get older, you may find you love them, and/or hate the things you once loved. Though I'm sure that a 38 year old would tell me the same thing, and a 48 year old would tell the 38 year old, etc.
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Postby Daltos » Tue May 31, 2005 4:31 pm

Getting old rules. You can order kids around, hit them with your cane, or insult them and get away with it.
Kid: Mommy grandpa just called me a mistake
Mom: Grandpa!
Grandpa: You were one too.
Mom: Oh grandpa, what will we ever do with you?
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Postby Statutory Crepe » Tue May 31, 2005 7:11 pm

I was gonna say Neuromancer and a couple of Gibson's other novels (Idoru, etc.), but I was beat to it.
If anyones knows what I am talking about they'll probably laugh at me, but since middle school, I've always been a fan of the Samurai Cat series by Mark E. Rogers. Good parody/meta stuff... with lycanthropic Nazi dinosaurs. YAY!
As far as more recent stuff goes, I'd say A Wild Sheep Chase by Haruki Murakami was pretty good. Fast read, odd, but not without substance...
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Postby Atomic » Tue May 31, 2005 7:55 pm

Another one I read recently, was The Source of Magic, by Piers Anthony (I think). It was really wierd, but good. Read a little bit like a kid's book that had origionally been designed for adults; for example one of the prominent characters is a nymph who dresses in nothing more than a little miniskirt kinda thing. The book was entertaining to read; a lot of the stuff in it is wierd sorts of magic, bizzare stuff, for example: at the start of the book the main character goes and picks a pair of shoes off the nearby shoe tree. Stuff like that is everywhere in the book. It's pretty fun to read. There are other books that take place in the same place (Xanth; it's obvious the shape of the kingdom is based off Florida, where the guy lived/lived), but I havn't read them. Hehe, that just reminded me, that outside of Xanth was a place called Mundonia... a place with no magic whatsoever. Heh.
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Postby EnkiduTheOBear » Wed Jun 01, 2005 12:14 am

Lesee heres. . .

Vonnegut rules, I suggest Mother Night and Bluebeard added on to the ones stated earlier (although Pax did say all Vonnegut).


The Hot Zone -Richard Preston (I think)
Tells us how fucked we are if Ebola ever gets airborne. True story about an Ebola outbreak in a monkey house near Washington D.C.


The Hobbit -Captain Tolkein
Duh.


The Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Compantion -who cares
One of the best reads ever, although not for everyone. In depth look at every episode of the series.


20,000 Leagues Under the Sea -Jules Verne
Absolutely beautiful book. If you pick it up (and don't read French) make sure you get a modern translation, because the old ones screwed up the science so badly.


The Trial and Death of Socrates -Plato
Absoutely brilliant look at a citizen's relation to the state, thousands of years before social contract thinkers such as Rosseau.


Heart of Darkness -Joseph Conrad
Not for everyone, either by story or by Conrads' writing style. Gripping account of the colonization of Africa. Basis for "Apocalypse Now."


Titus Andronicus -Shakespeare
Sure, people bitch that its Shakespeares worst play. I happen to think it is an excellent, if gory tale of murder, rape, and revenge in ancient rome. If you're not the book reading type, bother yourself to see the movie, Anthony Hopkins is amazing in it (although the director was nuts).

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Postby Jae » Wed Jun 01, 2005 12:48 am

Daltos wrote:The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
Its technically a childrens book but is well written with a great story.


That whole Narnian Chronicles or whatever series it was called owned my childhood. Great pick. I got my first library card back in the day just to rent that whole series.

Like others here, I also dig the Potter series, 1984, Brave New World, the Tolkien series, Heart of Darkness, etc. I'm also a big fan of anything sci-fi, so naturally I gravitate towards the Star Wars and Star Trek (that's right I said Trek) books.

From my childhood, I always liked The Secret of NIMH, otherwise titled as Mrs. Frisbee and the Rats of NIMH. James and the Giant Peach was a fun read too.

Funny how all the crap I was forced to read in grade/high school (hated them all with a passion) ended up to be some of my favorites later on down the line.

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Postby PopnFresh » Wed Jun 01, 2005 1:43 am

EnkiduTheOBear wrote:Titus Andronicus -Shakespeare
Sure, people bitch that its Shakespeares worst play. I happen to think it is an excellent, if gory tale of murder, rape, and revenge in ancient rome. If you're not the book reading type, bother yourself to see the movie, Anthony Hopkins is amazing in it (although the director was nuts).


I've heard it argued that Titus' (or Tidus, for you FF fans!) gore was either A) Shakespeare's sort of "commentary on society by example" (similar to Mark Twain's use of the "n word"), as most plays at that time were exceptionally gory or B) Shakespeare just trying to do what was popular because he was still breaking into playwriting at the time.

Either way, it's totally gory.

Hopkins is outstanding in the movie, which is a post-modern translation of the play. I actually thought it was well done (except for the overly long ending), but the gore is even sicker when visual. And some scenes...ho boy. Bottom line: this is NOT for everyone. Plenty of people I know saw the movie (never read the play) and thought it was depraved and unnecessary.
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Postby Marcallo » Wed Jun 01, 2005 4:45 am

The Narnian chronicals exist for no other reason than to draw you into a christian state of mind. The guy who wrote them was one of those whacky fundamentalists. Of course he also hung out at the same bar and drank with Tolkien.


As to my Favorite series of books, everyone here should read Wizards First Rule by Terry Goodkind. The Sword of Truth series is an amazingly well written story. But the first book is by far one of the best books I've ever read.
Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen it's true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...

...and I'll look down, and whisper "no."


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